Are your friendships strained? Are you spending more time than usual talking about your friends in therapy? This is a hard topic and a controversial one. The current political and social landscape has created an overwhelming sense of “us” vs. “them.” Many of us are struggling with what it means to maintain relationships with people who see the world differently—especially when those views feel harmful. Do we hold onto what we agree on and avoid the rest? Do we confront it? Or do we walk away?
There’s no one answer. But here’s a relationships framework that might help:
- Discern the difference between disagreement and harm. Disagreeing on policy is one thing. Denying someone’s humanity is another.
- Respect doesn’t require tolerance for hate. You can walk away from relationships that compromise your values and still do so without dehumanizing the other person.
- You’re not a “bad” person for setting boundaries. Sometimes, cutting ties is an act of self-respect, not judgment.
The Myth of Neutrality:
“Staying neutral” is often seen as the polite way to navigate conflict. But in today’s world, neutrality can also be a position of privilege. It’s no longer perceived as being fair or balanced—it’s seen as avoidance, privilege, or passivity. And to be honest, sometimes it is. When harm is happening, silence can hurt more than disagreement. But it’s also true that people can weaponize urgency. You might feel pressure to respond immediately, publicly, and perfectly to every issue that arises. And while many of these calls to action are rooted in justice and truth, they can become overwhelming—especially when layered with personal grief, fatigue, or uncertainty. And yet, that doesn’t mean you have to post about every issue or respond to every injustice publicly. Advocacy can take many forms: donating, volunteering, educating your community, or simply modeling values in your day-to-day life.
So, How Do You Keep Going?
You keep going by recognizing that you are not responsible for fixing everything—but you are responsible for something. Pick your lanes. Find your role. Let others take theirs.
- Build relationships that nourish you. Friendship doesn’t mean always agreeing—it means committing to mutual respect and growth.
- Let rest be part of the rhythm. Don’t wait until you’re breaking to slow down.
- Accept your own imperfection. You won’t always get it right. That’s okay. What matters is staying open, learning, and trying again.You can have friends with different opinions—as long as those opinions don’t deny your right to exist, your humanity, or your safety. There’s a difference between debating tax policy and defending someone’s right to exist with dignity.
Ask yourself:
- Does this person respect my identity and boundaries?
- Do we still communicate with honesty, care, and curiosity?Is this difference something I
- can live with, or does it feel like betrayal?
It’s okay to hold the complexity that someone can be kind and misinformed, funny and hurtful, supportive and dismissive of a cause that matters to you. But holding that complexity doesn’t mean you have to stay in a relationship with it. Letting go doesn’t have to be a grand exit or moral pronouncement. Sometimes it’s a quiet fade. Sometimes it’s a conversation. Either way, it’s okay.
Friendship Therapy?
These are reflection questions you can bring up with yourself, or your therapist:
Is there a relationship in your life that feels strained because of differing views? Does being in relationships where you can’t be yourself or lose feels familiar in your life? What would feel like an honest next step—conversation, space, or release?
How do you define a “safe” or “healthy” friendship today? Has that changed over time?
Are you carrying guilt for stepping away from someone or something? Can you name what that guilt is trying to protect?
At the end of the day, the goal is to have healthy relationships that nurture and add to our lives. As Daniel Siegel, Ph.D, clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA and a pioneer in the field of interpersonal neurobiology emphasizes, a healthy brain and a healthy relationship is when parts can be: “Different but Together.” He emphasizes the value of both individuality and connection, suggesting that healthy relationships involve respecting individual differences while also maintaining a sense of connection and interdependence.
