As a counselor, I often hear clients say, “I just feel disrespected.” It’s a phrase that surfaces in so many settings — at work, in partnerships, with family — and it always carries weight. There’s tension, frustration, even pain behind it.
But when we pause to unpack it, we find that “disrespected” isn’t truly a feeling. It’s an interpretation of someone’s behavior. Underneath that word, there are usually softer, more vulnerable emotions — hurt, sadness, shame, fear, or disappointment.
Over time, I’ve become curious about what people really mean when they talk about respect. For some, respect is about being heard, valued, or treated fairly. For others, especially those who tend to be more structured or rigid, respect can mean order, acknowledgment, or compliance. When that version of respect is threatened, it can feel intolerable — not because of ego, but because it touches deep needs for safety, control, or validation.
Understanding how different people define respect can help us move from reactivity to awareness, and from conflict to connection.
Read more: Exploring Disrespect. Wait… is that a feeling?
